One-Time Offer!

Folks! I have some wonderful news,

It comes in one part, not three parts, not two—

Which shows how succinct and great I am!

I promise you, kids, this isn’t a sham.

For a limited time, you too can be fun!

Not that you weren’t before—c’mon, don’t run—

I’m offering now, in a one-time sale!

The rights to wear my hat—you’ll get it by mail!


And this special offer is available at a fee—

Twenty-five dollars, satisfaction guaranteed!

For once you put it on, you’ll jump with joy,

You’ll feel like a girl again, you’ll feel like a boy.


And c’mon, my name is somewhat acclaimed,

You’ll feel important and famous just wearing my name—

Which is the point of labels! Am I right? Am I wrong?

Oh, come on folks, come on, play along.


I’m popular! I’ve been on cereal boxes,

And candles and cakes, and time (I mean clocks-es),

You’d be honored to be seen wearing my hat!

So buy away now, to get a piece of the Cat!

Remember, that’s twenty thirty-five dollars, plus shipping, too

To feel like the best possible version of you.

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