Monthly Archives: December 2011

Mom Found This In My Old Room

Pre-vegetarianism. Look at that kitten, awww.

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Big News

It came in the mail today!

All right, dear readers, I have a confession,

Regarding my latest (innocent) obsession,

I used the profits I got from my hat sale

To impress my Rat—I went to Zales!

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My Boys

They wreak havoc. I've raised them quite well.

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One-Time Offer!

Folks! I have some wonderful news,

It comes in one part, not three parts, not two—

Which shows how succinct and great I am!

I promise you, kids, this isn’t a sham.

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I’m Falling in Love

Today was the most wonderful thing!

It makes me want to jump, it makes me want to sing!

It’s December, getting cold, not my favorite weather,

But I felt fine! I was better than ever,

 

When suddenly I saw her—I felt dizzy, I sat,

She clean knocked me over, this Rat in a Hat.

The hat! It was pink, it was pinkest of pink,

More fit for a queen than a rat, I would think,

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Mothers Love Me

They do, really.

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I Hate the Grinch

So as you guys know, I’ve been pretty low.

Lately I hit the lowest I could go.

Outside it’s been gray, inside it’s been dull,

But I simply can’t move, I’m stuck doing null.

 

Today, however, the day wasn’t yet done,

When suddenly, from out of a cloud: sun!

And whatever came over me was truly divine,

I rushed to my kids’ houses and felt more than fine—

 

I let myself in, yelled “I’m back! Did you miss me?”

When no—no, no—what did I see—

But the Grinch! That thing with a green yam for a head!

Stealing my children! He looked up and said:

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Crisis

What do I do!

I’m sorry to bother you, I’m sorry to rant—

After all, why would you care? I’m a cat with no pants!

Pants! That’s one thing that I just don’t get—

But yesterday I went out and bought a whole set!

 

Why, you may ask? For the past few days,

I’ve been seeing everything in a new sort of haze.

It all started with the cousin—do you remember him?

A real nasty cat who fills me to the brim

 

With awful emotions, it messes with my chi,

And so I stuffed him in the vacuum—you’d do the same, were you me.

But though I don’t have to stare at his fur,

I can still hear him—and this cat doesn’t purr.

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How I Met My Best Friend

It was a Monday, I remember it well.

I recall it with a spasm and a loud, loud yell,

For on that Monday, I had just one wish,

But it was ruined by a meddling fish.

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Family Issues

My fuzzy cuz.

Portrait of my cuz.

They say family is a haven in a world that is heartless,

But that’s wrong, it’s a lie, it’s slander in excess.

And let me tell you, cats are the worst of the pack.

You think that we die, but then we come back.

 

I had an aunt once who was cute as a button,

But she made me eat asparagus and pies made of mutton.

Oh, how I loathed her! She was no fun.

She choked on a fish, I thought she was done—

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