Today was the most wonderful thing!
It makes me want to jump, it makes me want to sing!
It’s December, getting cold, not my favorite weather,
But I felt fine! I was better than ever,
When suddenly I saw her—I felt dizzy, I sat,
She clean knocked me over, this Rat in a Hat.
The hat! It was pink, it was pinkest of pink,
More fit for a queen than a rat, I would think,
So as you guys know, I’ve been pretty low.
Lately I hit the lowest I could go.
Outside it’s been gray, inside it’s been dull,
But I simply can’t move, I’m stuck doing null.
Today, however, the day wasn’t yet done,
When suddenly, from out of a cloud: sun!
And whatever came over me was truly divine,
I rushed to my kids’ houses and felt more than fine—
I let myself in, yelled “I’m back! Did you miss me?”
When no—no, no—what did I see—
But the Grinch! That thing with a green yam for a head!
Stealing my children! He looked up and said:
I’m sorry to bother you, I’m sorry to rant—
After all, why would you care? I’m a cat with no pants!
Pants! That’s one thing that I just don’t get—
But yesterday I went out and bought a whole set!
Why, you may ask? For the past few days,
I’ve been seeing everything in a new sort of haze.
It all started with the cousin—do you remember him?
A real nasty cat who fills me to the brim
With awful emotions, it messes with my chi,
And so I stuffed him in the vacuum—you’d do the same, were you me.
But though I don’t have to stare at his fur,
I can still hear him—and this cat doesn’t purr.
They say family is a haven in a world that is heartless,
But that’s wrong, it’s a lie, it’s slander in excess.
And let me tell you, cats are the worst of the pack.
You think that we die, but then we come back.
I had an aunt once who was cute as a button,
But she made me eat asparagus and pies made of mutton.
Oh, how I loathed her! She was no fun.
She choked on a fish, I thought she was done—